Dutch Directness and Tips on How To Handle It

If you’re new to the Netherlands, chances are that you’ve heard about or been subjected to “Dutch directness.” Think of that neighbor explaining to you that your curtains are “ugly,” your boss criticizing your PowerPoint in rather harsh terms, or your date proposing to split the bill to the very last euro. But to what extent does legendary Dutch honesty extend? Here are some additional examples of Dutch directness, along with some valuable tips on navigating this aspect of Dutch culture.

What is Dutch Directness, Anyhow?

Dutch directness is not just a stereotype—it’s an approach to life. Grounded in egalitarian traditions and consensus politics, Dutch society values being straightforward, open, and honest. In a nation where all opinions count, not being direct is viewed as wasteful, even insulting. Why use small talk when you can cut to the chase? This can come as a surprise to many expats. In some societies, being polite involves tempering criticism or avoiding unpleasant facts. In the Netherlands, it’s being honest with your friend that her new haircut “doesn’t suit her face” or explaining to your boss that his suggestion is “not very smart.” It’s not an attempt to harm—just to be upfront.

Splitting the Bill (and Everything Else)

Nowhere is Dutch directness more evident than in matters of money. The Dutch are known to be frugal, but in truth, it’s all about fairness and openness. Dining with friends in the Netherlands? Get used to going Dutch—each person covers their own bill down to the last cent.

But what about dating and going Dutch? One expat, Sarah from the UK, remembers her first date with a Dutchman:

“We ate dinner nicely, and when we finished, he took out his phone, opened an app for payments, and calculated just exactly what we were all going to have to pay, including the starter that we had to split. Then he asked for €17.43 from me via a Tikkie. I was surprised, but he replied, ‘It’s just reasonable, isn’t it?'”

Workplace Honesty: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

The Dutch also approach feedback in an equally straightforward manner. At work, direct colleagues and managers will let you know precisely what’s on their minds—no beating about the bush. Some expats appreciate this as a refreshing breeze. Others need to acclimate.

Anna, an Italian expat, recalls her first performance review:

“My manager told me, ‘Your presentation was not as good as it could have been. Here’s how you need to improve.’ I was hurt at first, but then she corrected it. I figured she was not being rude—she wanted to see me improve.”

This is applied even in meetings, where rank is forgotten in favor of letting whoever speaks their mind. This can feel disorganized, but results in more accurate decisions and fewer misunderstandings.

Friendship and Family: Brutal Honesty or Actual Care?

The Dutch honesty policy stops at no door. In their friendships, as in their workplace relationships, the Dutch don’t mince their words. If your Dutch friend thinks you’re making a mistake, they’ll let you know. If your partner perceives that you’re being unreasonable, rest assured that they will let you know immediately.

But here’s the catch: this bluntness is an indicator of trust. If someone is willing to take the time to offer you straightforward criticism, it is because they care enough about making you better. The Dutch would see it not as being rude, just as not using fake smiles.

Tips for Expats: How to Survive (and Thrive) in a Direct Culture

To adjust to Dutch directness, expats can try these handy tips:

• Don’t take it personally

  Directness is not intended to be insulting—it’s simply the Dutch style of speaking and being.

• Be honest in response

  Dutch people expect straightforwardness from others as well. So don’t be too concerned that you’re offending anyone.

• Request for clarification

  If you’re not sure if someone is joking or not, simply ask.

• Learn to be more assertive

  Don’t be afraid to say ‘no’. Having the ability to say no brings many benefits. It also gives people a better idea of who you are. Locals appreciate this.

• Embracing the Dutch efficiency

  You’ll save time by trying not to guess what people mean.

Summary: Embrace it

If you appreciate it or find it shocking, Dutch bluntness is a hallmark of Dutch culture. So when someone next sends you a Tikkie for half the coffee, or informs you that your shoes are “interessant,” keep in mind: it’s not rudeness—it’s truth. And who knows? You may find yourself getting more direct yourself.