Navigating New Beginnings: How to Help Your Child Adjust After Moving Abroad

Moving abroad can be an exciting adventure for your family but presents unique challenges. Children are still developing emotionally and physically, which can be especially challenging for them. As expat parents, understanding when your child struggles to adapt is essential. It can help them engage with their new surroundings and positively transition to a new environment.

With the help of Robbie Zein, Founder of Ask Zein, an educational consultancy based in the Hague, we have put together some top tips on supporting your child through this transition. Life in the Netherlands is generally very welcoming and engaging. However, success starts with you as a parent. Open communication and being emotionally present are essential, so most importantly, be there for your children during this impactful process.

How to Recognize Culture Shock or That Your Child is Struggling to Adapt

Moving to a new country often means navigating many unfamiliar experiences. This is true not only for children but also for parents. According to Robbie, “When we look at children in the household or the classroom, we can often identify signs of stress because that child is transitioning from one place to another.” Irritability, emotional outbursts, difficulties with attention span, and social withdrawal are indicators. Often, children struggling with a new move find it difficult or are unwilling to socialize. They also show a decline in academic performance or struggle to sleep. Identifying these signs early can help you provide the necessary support.

Observe behavior: Watch for changes in your child’s mood or behavior. Journaling can help you track these shifts.
Create open conversations: Ask direct questions like, “How are you feeling about your new school?” or “What do you miss about home?” Encourage them to express their feelings.
Don’t rely on education: Educational systems cannot offer everything a child needs – this also has to come from the home. Be present throughout.

Embrace the Emotions

It’s essential for your child to understand that it’s okay to feel a mix of emotions about the move. Acknowledging emotions, whether it’s excitement, sadness, or confusion, is crucial. It is also important to remember that children react to your emotions. Recognize your own feelings about the move and openly share them with your child. This works well if you do this as a whole family.

- Validate their feelings: Remind them that feeling sad or anxious about leaving friends behind is normal.
- Create a feelings jar: Encourage your child to write down their emotions and place them in a jar. This can serve as a way to communicate without the pressure of a direct conversation.
- Personalize their space: Allow your child to decorate their new room with familiar items, such as photos or favorite toys. This creates a comforting, familiar atmosphere.
- Encourage emotional attachment to toys and family items: Children find comfort in toys or items like comforters. Use this as a link to the past.

Encourage Community Connections

Building a support network can significantly ease your child’s transition to their new life. Engaging with the local community helps them feel connected and less isolated. Finding friends, joining sports clubs, or having playdates can be fundamental. Learning Dutch together can also help your child. It will help you bond and show that this change is affecting you all.

The Netherlands has a thriving extracurricular landscape. Sports and activity groups can be found all over the country. These are sometimes linked to schools. However, check local newspapers and community forums. Often, these are the best places to start.

Join local groups: Look for expat organizations or community events where families can meet. This can help with faster integration.
Encourage playdates: Seek playdates with classmates or neighborhood kids. Encourage your child to invite new friends over and meet their parents.
Enroll in classes: Consider signing the whole family up for language classes.
Practice daily: Incorporate language practice into daily activities, such as cooking local dishes or visiting markets. Label household items in the new language to reinforce learning.

Encourage Open Communication

The best way to deal with a problem is by discussing it. This becomes easier as adults, but you should encourage your child to share their concerns. As Robbie says, “We naturally lean towards repetition… removing us from one environment and putting us in another creates stress. Children have a new bedroom, a new house, new neighbors, new neighborhoods, new ways of joking, a new curriculum, and new schools. Everything is shaken upside down. It is important not to suppress these concerns, but to discuss them and foster communication.”

If you know how your child feels and your child knows how you feel, you can move forward together. If necessary, you can find solutions to the issues your child faces with you. Be open about the move – share your own emotions and encourage discussion about the past and the future.

Family meetings: Schedule weekly check-ins to discuss any concerns or highlights from the week. Encourage your child to share their thoughts about school, friends, or the community.
Be transparent: Talk about the reasons for the move and what it means for the family. This helps children understand the situation better and feel included in the process.
Encourage sharing: Avoid shutting down conversations about the move. Encourage your child to share their thoughts and feelings. Don’t overburden them – this is a fine balance.

Provide a Daily and Weekly Structure

Children thrive on routine, and a stable environment can help them adjust more comfortably. As Robbie suggests, “Like with most things, a little bit of everything is good; too much of one thing isn’t. So, with your children, discuss a routine, and make a schedule with your child’s activities in mind, but also one that suits you correctly. If it doesn’t suit you, it won’t work. Remember, you are the energizing bunny.”

While structure is good, it is important not to become too defined by structure, as this will result in a pivot away from the changes currently being experienced. Embrace new schedules and structure, but do not let your family become defined by them.

Create daily schedules: Create a daily routine that includes time for homework, chores, and relaxation.
Prioritize family time: Designate specific times for family activities like game nights or outdoor adventures. This can strengthen family bonds while providing a sense of security.
Encourage activities outside of school: Extracurricular activities can provide structure and foster positive social connections. Be careful not to force anything.
Maintain routines: Keep morning rituals, mealtimes, and family activities consistent. This structure can offer a comforting sense of normalcy.
Bring some routines back: Bring back routines from the past, such as baking grandma’s cookies together on a Sunday afternoon. This is a positive way to relate to the past and enjoy the present.</li<
Be flexible: Create an environment of change and adjustment from home to school and social activities.

Maintain a Balance of Cultural Connection & New Beginnings

If this is important to you as a parent, and you feel pride and connection with your roots, encourage your child to explore these aspects. However, placing too much emphasis on your cultural history may make it more difficult for your child to integrate swiftly. Celebrate your past and ancestors, but allow your child the time to experience their new environment. Robbie says, “This depends on how important it is to the parent. For some, their child must know about their roots and ancestors, while for others, it is not so important. If you find joy in talking about it, do so with your child to connect them positively.”

For families that may have traumatic histories, consider whether this will foster negative emotions when considering discussing this with your child.

Be open about your family history: If you feel positive about doing so, discuss your past with your child and introduce them to the culture and life of your home country.
Celebrate your culture: Celebrate your culture with your child. Take part in events and activities, and introduce them to your home country’s food, history, and society.
Balance the past with the present: Remember not to focus too much on culture. Your child is experiencing a new environment, so the focus should be on integration.
Stay in contact with family: Maintain contact with family members, but make sure your child lives in the present.

Take Care of Your Well-Being

Your emotional well-being directly impacts your child’s adjustment. Remember to prioritize self-care during this transition. Remember, the move will also affect you, and how you respond will also impact your child. As Robbie states, “What’s the first thing about going somewhere new that makes you anxious? We are creatures of habit. So, you should make sure you deal with these emotions – you can’t always take the pain away, but you can deal with and feel the emotions, both for yourself and your child, which, in turn, eases the pain and helps dissolve it.”

Try to ensure that you understand the challenges your child may face in their new country. What should they know that you don’t or that may not be taught in schools. If you plan to remain in the Netherlands long-term, consider taking courses that may help your integration.

Engage in self-care: Find activities that help you relax and recharge, whether exercising, reading, or connecting with other expat parents. Prioritizing sleep is also critically important.
Use healthy coping strategies: Demonstrate healthy coping methods like mindfulness or open discussion about challenges. Remember, your child will learn by observing you.
Invest in your own knowledge: Make sure you understand how things work in your new country. If your child asks you a question, it is more grounding for them if you have the answer they seek rather than them finding it elsewhere.
Take some time and do nothing: Oftentimes, families take on too many activities, and it’s always “rushing” to various activities without any time to decompress and enjoy calm, relaxed family time.
Seek support: Invest in your network, whether professional help, household help or just social contacts.

Seek Professional Support if Needed

If your child continues to struggle, seeking professional help can be beneficial. Don’t feel like this is an acknowledgement of failure. The best support you can give your child is what they need. Sometimes, professional support can unlock a positive next step. A professional experienced in expat challenges can provide tailored support. As Robbie indicates. “Don’t discount counseling. In some cases, that pressure cooker needs release; there are emotions there, and if they are not let out, this suppression can lead to issues such as depression.”

Consult a professional: If you notice persistent signs of distress, don’t hesitate to consult a professional.
Utilize school resources: Many international schools offer counseling services or can connect you with local resources. Take advantage of these offers to support your child’s adjustment.

Moving abroad can be a transformative experience for families. Children are resilient and adapt well to new and exciting changes. However, be sure to maintain an open dialogue with your child. You must also prioritize being emotionally present. Create a supportive environment and ensure your own emotional needs and well-being are met. This way, you and your child will be on the path toward a happy and exciting life in the Netherlands. Embrace the journey together, and remember that each step forward is a step toward growth.